Do you love me less because I’m Wiccan?

I know I said Ayslyn’s Corner was going on hiatus for the duration of NaNo2012, but I’ve made my word count for the day, and… I felt like this is a topic many a Wiccan can relate to, and something we each need an outlet for at some point in our lives.

My family does not know I’m Wiccan. The most that they know is that I’m not whole-heartedly Christian. I’ve had discussions and arguments with every single member of my family about faith and religion. They’re concerned for me, because I’ve rejected their savior, and nothing I’ve said so far has done anything except hurt everyone. So I’ve stopped dropping hints, stopped trying to get them to understand.

I thought I had accepted that this would always be the secret of my heart, but then days like today happen, and things change.

I’m getting married in April, and it’s not going to be the simple, woodland wedding I dreamed up after becoming engaged. Most of the day is going to be organized to someone else’s wants, but one part that my fiancé and I decided was that we are not going to be married in, by or for a church. His family is traditional Catholic, so you can imagine the waves this caused. But we won that battle (I think), so the ceremony will be secular.

My grandmother Skype’d me earlier, and we talked about the wedding. She asked about the details of the ceremony, and when I told her it would not be in a church, she hung her head. There’s not going to be any mention of god? She asked then, and I told her no, that neither of us is terribly religious, so we don’t want that undertone. She said we’re cursing our union. She said that she had thought that after all these years my eyes would be opened, that I would come back to god. There’s no life without Jesus, she told me.

I’ve wrapped myself in a cocoon of lies, and how many other Wiccans have done the same? I’m a Wiccan—I’m a witch! This is my choice, and it fulfills my spiritual needs. Why are you disappointed in me? Why do you belittle the things I’ve spent my life discovering?

Do you love me less because I am Wiccan?

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About Ayslyn'sCorner

I am an eclectic Pagan bordering on atheist who has made her way through a number of different spiritual spaces. You might wonder what a person self-identifying as an atheist has to discuss in a religion/spiritual context – and, well, so do I. That’s one of the things I aim to explore on Ayslyn's Corner. Check out Ayslyn's Corner at http://www.ayslynscorner.wordpress.com Check out Invisible Ink Blog at http://www.whitneycarter.wordpress.com Check out wombs in rebellion at http://wombsinrebellion.wordpress.com/
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24 Responses to Do you love me less because I’m Wiccan?

  1. Ceiredwyn says:

    I am almost in the same boat as you. My family is Catholic. I live with my grandmother and she doesn’t know I’m a Witch. I used to drop hints as well but I’ve stopped. Now she’s kind of accepted that I’m not religious, but wishes I was. “You have to believe in God,” she says. My boyfriend’s family, especially his stepfather, is religious, too. I’m terrified of admitting to them that I’m Wiccan and when it comes time for us to get married, I’m worried about the chaos it’s going to cause. It disheartens me and saddens me because I too have worked and learned and found a religion that suites me.

    • It is hard to keep trying to change others’ minds, especially when you’re limited to small things like dropping hints or broaching small subjects. As far as your fear of chaos when you and your boyfriend do decide to get married, I can really relate. Just know what you and he want it comes down to it. And if all else fails, you always have the option of running away, just the two of you. Best of luck to you 🙂

  2. LC Aisling says:

    I hear you. Though my family isn’t thoroughly religious, it is still hard to explain them that I’m taking religion (and not most common one around here) more seriously than they’d like. Especially that when you mention you’re a wiccan or pagan, it is immediatly taken as invitation, like being free to be converted in any other major religion the converter believes in. They don’t even try to understand your point of view, but you must understan theirs and often you must accept it as the ultimate. Strange that I’ve been battling with the similar things lately, though more from my friends than family – muslim, christian, hindus all have tried to tell me how their way is the right way and I’ve felt like piece of meat, a box that waits to be checked on my way of path to include me amongst them.

    In no way are you cursing your union. They seem to play right now the game called “this is what I want you to be – don’t you want to make me sad? ‘Cause if you don’t, then you say what I want.” Unfortunatly there isn’t much help at this point, because they aren’t willing to accept you any other way right now. I made the mistake of telling that yes, I have God in my life and now my Christian friends are doing everything in their power to make me denounce Goddess and Circle of Life and instincts and that everything besides God comes from the Devil.

    • You are very right!! Telling someone you are wiccan seems to be an invitation to convert you, without even pretending to attempt to understand your faith. There can only be compromise and understanding if both are willing to go there.

  3. Cassandra says:

    On the contrary, Ayslyn, we love you even more because you’re a Wiccan. We have something in common, and because of that we understand you, how it is to be a Wiccan among a non-Wiccan family.
    I wish you to all good with your wedding preparations.
    Brightest blessings.

    • Aww, Cassandra, you’re likely to make me cry!! You are right though, my wiccan and witchy friends and fellow bloggers are a second family. It is all about where you feel you belong. Brightest blessings 🙂

  4. Missus Tribble says:

    None of my family are particularly religious, and I think it was only my grandmother who wasn’t aware that both my sister and myself are Wiccan. My father-in-law doesn’t know – he’s Jewish and, while not practising, would probably disapprove strongly – and his wife wouldn’t understand. On the other hand, my mother-in-law and her husband are fascinated by my beliefs and have questioned me on several occasions (my mother-in-law has some “witchy” beliefs of her own).

    Nobody expected us to marry in church because I’ve been married before, and those that understand Beltane realised why I wore red and my bridesmaid wore green – everybody else simply commented on the unusual but beautiful gowns we wore.

    • There is something to be said for things that are held close by only a few people. As long as your wedding was what you wanted, no one else’s thoughts on dress color or anything else matters. Congrats on being strong enough to stand on your own two feet that way!

  5. Vix says:

    I’m so sorry that you feel like you have to hide your faith to please others, I can’t imagine what it must be like.
    I know that your family might be somewhat less than understanding and you don’t want to hurt their feelings but have you considered what this turmoil is doing to your own health and well-being? My boyfriend and I have often talked about marriage and I’ve come to accept the fact that it will be a compromise and the wedding won’t be the Pagan extravaganza that I might want. But the point is that it’s a compromise between the two of us and no-one else.
    Like I said, I can’t fully understand your predicament but your family should not love you any less for being Wiccan, if they don’t or won’t understand that is entirely their issue and their fault.
    I hope you come to a resolution soon (maybe a secondary ceremony?) and you know where I am if you need to talk
    Blessed Be
    xx

    • Thank you very much for your support, Vix, it is greatly appreciated. I am fortunate in that my soon to be husband is accepting and supportive of my faith and practices, and likely we will celebrate our wedding in our own way after the public receptions are over.

      I know many young wiccans and witches in similar situations to mine, and it is disheartening to feel you must hide and lie. As you pointed out, it can be hard on your own health. I would wish for a world where children did not have to hide like this from their parents and loved ones.

  6. I quite understand your situation because I am from very religious family myself.
    Love should overcome this religious diffrences. I wish you that.
    Btw congratulations on your wedding! 🙂
    Take care.

    • Thank you! I agree with you, love is a more powerful force than anything, and will always come out on top. That usually doesn’t make the road any shorter though, and that is the hardest part.

  7. Neferet says:

    This is such a horrible thing that we can all relate to. 😦 It is hard when religion is really prevalent in the lives of people you love, but they cannot relate to YOUR religion. Congrats on the wedding plans; wishing you the best!!! Many blessings!

    • Thank you! We are excited to finally get that piece of paper signed, but less so about the attached drama. It is a shame that people who are close to each other cannot accept differences ans simply love unconditionally. The world would be better place if there was less judging.

  8. Pingback: Are you in the broom closet? | magickalmutterings

  9. ladyimbrium says:

    First off, congratulations on the upcoming wedding 🙂

    Seems like that should be the important part, not whether or not the ceremony conforms to someone else’s preferences. It’s your day, not theirs. I’ve come to the conclusion that the safest course with most of my extended family is to avoid the topic. I have pretty obvious bumper stickers on the truck and I know some of them have seen me hail the moon and sun. We have what amounts to a tenuous cease-fire agreement. I don’t rub their noses in my practice, they don’t try to convert me back.

    • Thank you for your thoughts, Lady Imbrium. I personally would be thrilled to have a tentative cease-fire agreement with my own family. Even if you are not able to discuss and try to learn from each other, not hiding would be huge. I hope your extended family continues to be tolerant and your relationships with each of them remains good.

  10. lucifervulus says:

    I completely understand your position (although mine was due to being gay so maybe its not exactly the same LOL) but maybe they don’t understand because they have nothing to understand. If you are in the broom closet all they see is you rejecting their God, their savior… For no apparent reason. Maybe if they knew you were Wicca, that you had a reason, they could come to terms and understand (although maybe not be very happy about it) what is going on. As I said, not really the same situation, but it worked for me. My family accept me (although they aren’t exactly happy about it) and understand that no, I’m not happy to be alone forever, I don’t have some horrible personality defect that scares away the girls…
    Maybe it would work the same way for you. No, you’re not godless with no faith, you’re not refusing to get married in a church just to spite them and their religion…
    I don’t know… But I hope that I’ve helped in some way or another ^^
    BB,
    Lucifervulus Sa’kagé.

    • Welcome back to the blogsphere, Luc! I was just thinking about you the other day, wondering where you had gone. Has everything been okay?

      And thank you for your comments; I think you might be right in that there’s a difference between rejecting for the sake of rejecting and having a valid reason. I would like to think that if I did try to explain things to my family that they would be understanding, if as you pointed out, less than happy. But the fear of it is enough to keep me from doing it, at least at this point in time. I can only imagine the torment you have gone through though, and I can relate to some of it. My best friend is a lesbian and I was there with her when she came out to her family, and have been with her through the past couple of years with all of her relationship turmoils.

      Brightest blessings!
      ~*Ayslyn

      • lucifervulus says:

        I will be honest with you Ayslyn; it wasn’t all that traumatic for me. My family and I have never been close. So, I honestly didn’t really care what they thought about me being gay. If they rejected me and I became the “black sheep” of the family (which to be honest I basically am already :P) or was ostracized in some form or another, I didn’t really care. The way I saw it, it would have been their loss and my gain! But I understand that that isn’t the way for everyone. The hardest part for me was telling my friends…… whose reply to my dramatic revelation was, “Are you serious? It was a secret?” haha!
        And thank you, it is nice to be back. I disappear and reappear so often I am thinking about drafting a standard reply to welcome back messages 😛 it might save some time ^_^

        BB,

        Lux.

        • It is interesting that you mention when you told your friends their response was along the lines of “It was a secret?” because that is what I hear a lot for gay/lesbian coming out stories. When my own BF came out, I was completely shocked, but then I’d never been very good at looking at someone and being able to label them as gay or straight.

  11. glee howe says:

    I am wiccan but I keep jesus in my heart thats what I dnt understand about christians they are the first to judge others. Do they not realize that is a sin… I talk to God on a daily basis. I do not use spells and incantations or harm others. I simply have a different aspect of the afterlife. I do not think it should matter as long as you are happy and harm none! Sebding my blessings to you and your family for love and understanding that you are an individual person that also needs to be loved no matter what.
    Blessed Be my dear sister in the wiccan family.

  12. GiovannaLILPanda says:

    Im a Wiccan too, I came out of the broom closet about a year and half ago, its hard because my parents accepted it but don’t understand it, so those my brother and some other family members who know, they don’t understand my belifes, and how complete I feel now that I have found my true mission in life, the only person who understands is my boyfriend(my twin flame) who was raised Christian, and I have learned and respected from his religion like he has done with mine, we even know we don’t want to marry directy to one, but to both with God as he calls him, and I call him All, and with the God and the Godess(Pan and Mother Natuure) how they have been represented to me… We want to handfast and place rings, and we have agreed to let our future children belive what they want to, but still show them our Christian and Wiccan ways, with out pressuring them to anything

  13. Pingback: Living in mixed households; Where is the love? | Pagan Pair

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