I know I said Ayslyn’s Corner was going on hiatus for the duration of NaNo2012, but I’ve made my word count for the day, and… I felt like this is a topic many a Wiccan can relate to, and something we each need an outlet for at some point in our lives.
My family does not know I’m Wiccan. The most that they know is that I’m not whole-heartedly Christian. I’ve had discussions and arguments with every single member of my family about faith and religion. They’re concerned for me, because I’ve rejected their savior, and nothing I’ve said so far has done anything except hurt everyone. So I’ve stopped dropping hints, stopped trying to get them to understand.
I thought I had accepted that this would always be the secret of my heart, but then days like today happen, and things change.
I’m getting married in April, and it’s not going to be the simple, woodland wedding I dreamed up after becoming engaged. Most of the day is going to be organized to someone else’s wants, but one part that my fiancé and I decided was that we are not going to be married in, by or for a church. His family is traditional Catholic, so you can imagine the waves this caused. But we won that battle (I think), so the ceremony will be secular.
My grandmother Skype’d me earlier, and we talked about the wedding. She asked about the details of the ceremony, and when I told her it would not be in a church, she hung her head. There’s not going to be any mention of god? She asked then, and I told her no, that neither of us is terribly religious, so we don’t want that undertone. She said we’re cursing our union. She said that she had thought that after all these years my eyes would be opened, that I would come back to god. There’s no life without Jesus, she told me.
I’ve wrapped myself in a cocoon of lies, and how many other Wiccans have done the same? I’m a Wiccan—I’m a witch! This is my choice, and it fulfills my spiritual needs. Why are you disappointed in me? Why do you belittle the things I’ve spent my life discovering?
Do you love me less because I am Wiccan?